As we go on...
by Saralea
Summary: It's the sequel to 'Nail a pudding on the wall!'. Hope you'll like it!
1. Part 1

"Mhm __

Okay, you actually wanted this part, thanks to all those nice, wonderful and great people who reviewed! I tried to do my best for you. (Even if my best's not really fantastically good *g* J/k). Anyway, here we go...

****

As we go on...

Sequel of 'Nail a pudding on the wall!'

"Mhm. D'you think we should go back?"

"No." James shook his head emphatically. "I'm feeling quite comfortable here, alone with you. Or do you want to get away from me so soon after you just agreed to marry me?"

"I agreed to marry you?" Lily raised one brow, looking at him quizzically and wondering if he was a bit insane. Well, more insane than usually. "James, are you sure that you don't are allergic to those bushes here?"

"What makes you think that?"

"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. - Shall we go back?"

James pulled a face, pouting. "Why do I have a girlfriend if she doesn't even want to be alone with me?"

"You have a girlfriend? Who's she? Do I know her?"

"Does that mean that you don't want to be my girlfriend?"

"Your girlfriend?" Lily put on a thoughtful expression. "Well, I didn't hear that you asked me to be it..."

James grinned. "Lily, flower of my life: Do you want to be my girlfriend?"

"I'd love to, Jamie-boy."

"Oh no! Don't take a leaf out of Sirius's book, please! Jamie-boy's just about the worst you can call me."

"So you prefer Jamsie?"

"Okay, I have to correct myself: Jamie-boy's - apart from Jamsie - just about the worst you can call me."

"Then why do you let Sirius use this names?"

"Did you ever succeed in stopping Sirius doing something he liked?"

"Nope."

"There you are: Me neither."

Lily and James winced when suddenly an odd sound could be heard, coming from the roof. Like an exploding walrus, maybe. Or like Sirius bursting out with laughter... They exchanged a short glance, an instant later, James was on a stool, stretching his neck to tower above the walls that surrounded the astronomy classroom. As already explained earlier, the classroom was open to the sky, but it was only a round hole in the roof that covered the whole school. Therefore, James peered over the edge, but there was no one. Not a single person was lying there, trying to spy on Lily and him. At least, there was no one on the roof, but as soon as he raised his gaze to the sky, he could see five persons sitting on brooms.

James jumped down the stool and reached for Lily's hand, pulling her close to him and giving her a quick kiss on the nose before letting go. Then he grinned at her. "If you wanted to go back to make our dearest friends happy, then you have to search for another reason. Our dearly loved so-called friends were lying on the roof watching us, so there's no need to."

"They were... What? You didn't just say that Jess, Sa, Sirius, Peter and Remus were watching us the whole time, did you?"

"Not exactly in these words, but the meaning's the same. They're gone now, though, so we don't have to be careful any longer."

Lily put her hands on her hips, glaring at him. "What, exactly, does this mean, Mr. James Potter?"

"Er... Nothing. - Now, let's go back to the common room to give them a lecture, kay?"

Lily nodded, and so they left the astronomy tower, holding hands.

***

The first thing they saw when they climbed through the portrait hole and left behind a rather grumpy Fat Lady - they had had to wake her up - were their friends, crowded together on and around a sofa, all looking at something in Sirius's hands that Lily and James couldn't see. But by the nasty grins and glances they were given when they approached the group, they could tell that it was something they definitely wouldn't like.

Sirius jumped up to welcome them, waving cheerfully and sending Sarah, who had been sitting in his lap, flying, but instead of slapping him like she would have done normally, she just grinned, a fact that didn't really dispel Lily's and James's unease. They glared threateningly at Sirius, but either he didn't notice or he chose to ignore it, however, he bowed and led them to an empty chair next to the sofa, also called the love chair, and beckoned them to sit down.They did so, still eyeing their friends suspiciously.

"What's this?" Frowning, James pointed at whatever-it-was in Remus's hands, and the grins of their friends even broadened.

"Well..." Sirius was in his element. "Jamsie, Lily-darling, we have a deal to make."

Lily and James exchanged another glance, now full of misgivings. Lily cleared her throat. "That's not a photo, is it?"

Sarah nodded smugly. "Oh yes, it is. A very cute photo, I have to add. One that you two can show to your children so that they can see how the first kiss of their mum and dad looked like."

Remus shook his head, looking doubtful. "I wouldn't do that, Sa. This photo might cause a disorder of their filial development..."

"When you two are quite finished" James was torn between amusement and anger, "could you be so kind to let Lily and me have a look at this picture?"

"But of course." Sirius bowed and handed them two identical photographs out of his pocket. "You can keep them. We made a duplicate for us."

James stared down at the picture in his hand, eyes wide with horror, then glanced at Lily, who had turned considerably red. He wasn't ashamed of what it showed, but that there was a copy of it in the hands of their friends made him quite nervous. He narrowed his eyes and glared at Sirius. "I can't believe that you're my friend."

The boy with the longish black hair didn't even try to look like he had a guilty conscience. "Oh, come on, Jamie-boy, you'd be bored to death if you didn't have me."

"Yeah, sure."

"Anyway," - an evil smile appeared on Sirius's face - "don't you want to know what we are going to do with this beautiful picture of you two lovebirds?"

Lily shook her head. "I think I'd prefer not to hear about it."

"Oh, but it's an excellent idea."

"Is it?" James asked sarcastically, squeezing Lily's hand.

Sirius ignored his friend's sarcasm and nodded happily. "You have to choose. Either you two will spoil Petunia's wedding completely, or we'll hand the photo - by sheer chance, of course - to good old Rita."

"You can't do that!" Lily and James gave Sirius two identical, murderous glares, but he was far beyond caring.

"Sure I can."

"What do you mean by 'spoil Petunia's wedding'? I wanted to do that anyway, but James isn't invited."

"Oh yes, he is invited. We are all invited, to be exact." Sarah smirked. "It's not very difficult to sneak in as long as we have James' cloak."

James raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. Instead, Sirius dropped on the floor and continued his explanation as soon as he felt quite comfortable. "Spoil it doesn't mean that we want you two to blow up the wedding cake or something like that. We have a much better idea."

"I bet." But once again, James's sarcasm was lost on Sirius.

"It's not very difficult, but brilliantideas are always easy. All you have to do is walking down the aisle, hand in hand and dressed like you're ready to marry, when they expect Petunia and Vernon to come."

"What???" Lily swallowed the wrong way and James was busied with patting her back. When she had recovered, she jumped up, looking furious. "You can't be serious about it! Petunia will kill me!"

"We'll protect you from her." It was the first time that Remus spoke. He and Jessie were sitting on the sofa, his arms around her waist, and although the both of them didn't look as enthusiastic about the idea, they had difficulties to keep their faces straight.

James grabbed Lily around the waist and pulled her down to sit in his lap, trying to calm her down. "Don't believe a word they're saying. They just want to pull our leg."

"You sure, Jamsie?" Sirius was grinning evilly. "Sorry to disappoint you, but this is not a joke."

"But why do you want us to do _that_, of all things?"

"We thought that you could need a bit of practice. For your own wedding."

"Sirius, Lil's fourteen, and I'm sixteen!"

"The earlier you start to practice, the better your own marriage will be."

Lily stared at him. "You're insane, aren't you?"

Sirius made a thoughtful face. "Maybe. But that doesn't save you."

"Sirius, Petunia will hate me even more than she already does!"

"Oh well, you know the alternative."

"Yeah. Being killed by half the female population of Hogwarts."

James smiled at her. "Hey, d'you really think I'd let them kill my girlfriend?"

Lily wrinkled up her nose. "Dunno. Maybe not. But maybe you would..."

"Never!"

"So I take it that you decided to let us pass the photo to Rita?"

"Er... Sirius, please! Can't you think of anything else we can do? Puh-lease!!!!"

"Sorry, Lil, but no." Sirius didn't look sorry at all, in fact, he was grinning broadly. "I think we let you two alone now. G'night!" He waved and quickly dissappeared towards the direction of his dorm, soon followed by Remus, Peter, Jessie and Sarah. _(No! How can you even think that? Sarah and Jessie went up to their own dorm, of course!!!)_

Lily and James gaped after them in a mixture of astonishment, anger and amusement. James drew Lily closer and muttered, his voice sounding a bit muffled as he was speaking into her hair: "Do you really think that they will give the photo to Rita?"

"Uh... I don't know... I hope they don't, otherwise our beloved fellow students, especially the Slytherins, will make life a perfect hell for us the next few weeks."

"They will calm down."

"If they don't kill us first, yeah."

"You're kind of optimistic today, aren't you?" He laughed quietly and breathed a kiss on her hair, eliciting a smile from her.

"How do we pay them back?"

"Ha! That's why I love you!"

Lily turned around, glaring at him in mock anger. "You love me just 'cause I like to play pranks?"

He considered for a moment, grinning. "No. You're rather cute as well."

"And that is all?" That she was sitting in his lap made it quite difficult for her to glare at him, but still she tried to, causing him to laugh.

"D'you really want to know why I love you?"

"Yep."

"That's very simple -"

"Don't dare to say something improper now!"

He faked an offended look. "Would I do something like that?"

"Yes. But continue anyway."

"I'd have finished long ago if you didn't interrupt me."

"Aw." She kissed him on the forehead, changing his pouting expression into a goofy smile. "Poor James. - Now, what did you want to say?"

"Nothing." As she was still on his lap and he therefore couldn't fold his arms before his chest, he leaned closer to Lily and crossed them in front of her belly instead.

"Tell me!"

"No. It sounds stupid anyway."

"But I want to hear it!"

"Nope."

"Pleeeeaaaase! I'll never kiss you again if you don't!"

He looked horrified. "You woudn't do that for real, would you?"

"Well... If you don't tell me, then I'll think about it."

"But I forgot completely what I wanted to say!"

"Yeah, sure. - Chérie, you don't think that I'll believe this, do you?"

"Chérie?"

"Better than Jamsie, isn't it?"

"Yep."

"And now, what did you want to say? Why do you love me?"

He grinned lopsided. "'Cause you're you. - Now, why do you love _me_?"

"Do I love you?" Lily put on a thoughtful face while smiling at him roguishly.

"But of course you do!"

"Hmm... Yeah, maybe I do. But why? How could I fall in love with someone who doesn't even own a brush?"

"I _do_ own a brush!"

"You do?"

"Yeah. It's just that my hair doesn't get along very well with this brush. They sort of dislike each other. Natural aversion or something like that."

Lily giggled. "Yeah, sure. So, what about our revenge?"

"Hey, do you remember the curl spell and the love potion? We didn't do that to them."

"Okay." She nodded, causing him to sneeze as her hair was tickling him. "Bless you!"

"You know how to do that spell?"

"Yes, but what about the potion? How long will it take us?"

"Three days. It's a very simple potion, that's why it only works for two weeks. We have to borrow some ingredients from Jenkin's office, though."

"Borrow?"

"Steal doesn't sound good."

"Agreed. Hey, why don't we go now? The cloak's in your bag, and I can't sleep anyway."

"Sure you can't? We could try to..." Catching her eye, he coughed and quickly decided forget about it. "Er, yeah, let's go now."

"D'you know what we need?"

"Yep."

***

"Gee, stop tousling my hair!"

Lily laughed. "Tousling? I'm trying to make it lie flat."

"But I like me this way! This hair's a part of me! Besides, can't you do that to a more suitable time? At least when we're not about to get ingrediants for a potion from Jenkin's office?"

"I'll think about it." she promised him.

"Thanks." 

They were now standing in front of the office of their potions teacher, looking around to make sure that no one was there to see them entering it, then Lily pulled out her wand and opened the door for them. 

It took them the quarter of an hour to get all the ingredients they needed, then they set off for Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. Much to their delight, the ghost was somewhere else ("I hope that she's haunting Sirius's dreams!") and so they could work on their potion without any interruption.

When they had finished - the love potion had to boil for two more days now, though, but all they had to do was wait till it was ready - they left the toilet and walked slowly, arm in arm, back to their common room and collapsed onto a sofa.

"What a night!" Lily yawned and stretched herself, only to discover that this wasn't as easy to do as James's head was resting in her lap, his eyes closed tightly and he was, without any doubt, fast asleep. Lily sighed, then tried to pull out her wand to conjure up a blanket, but as she didn't want to wake him up, she gave up eventually and stirred a bit, trying to find a more comfortable position.

***

Sirius was the first to come down the next morning, and when he spotted his two friends, a partly evil, partly emotional smile was appearing on his face as he watched them for a while, considering carefully if it was a good idea to fetch the camera. They looked so sweet and innocent at the same time, curled up together on the sofa like this. James was lying on his back, his head in her lap, and he was smiling up at Lily in his sleep, Lily's hand in his hair, while she was slightly bent to the sideso that her red mane was spread all over his chest. Cute, thought Sirius, really cute. Would a photo be too mean? He already owned this other photo of them, so actually, there was no need to shoot another one, but the opportunity was so marvelous...

But the decision was no longer his as James woke up in this moment. He blinked, then gazed up at Lily, not daring to move in order not to disturb her sleep, the slightly enraptured smile he seemed to reserve only for her still on his lips. It took him some time to discover his smirking friend, then he blushed furiously, but nevertheless, he felt much too comfortable to move.

Sirius leaped forward a few steps and sat down on the floor cross-legged, facing his friend and grinning up at him.

"So. Did you have a pleasant sleep?"

James turned even redder and acted as if he hadn't heard his friend's words. "What time is it?"

"6 o'clock, I think."

"Since when are you up that early?"

"I've to find a certain Slytherin girl, and I guess that she's already sitting at her house table in the Great Hall."

James narrowed his eyes, not linking the delighted sound of Sirius's voice at all. "And who would this be?"

"Rita Magnus!" Sirius crowed happily. "There's a certain photo I wanna give her."

James sat up with a jerk, startling Lily, who opened her eyes in a hurry and groaned, but was silenced instantly by James's lips. Which was a fault, as, when they broke apart, gasping for breath, Sirius had already dissapeared through the portrait hole, humming and making his way down the stairs in direction of the Great Hall. Quickly, James pulled Lily to her feet, explaining what was going on while dragging her, trying to catch up with his friend, but it was hopeless, as Sirius's was leading by a wide margin.

By the time Lily and James entered the Great Hall - this early in the morning, it was only filled with a few sleepy figures that ate their breakfast though barely noticing what they were actually eating - Sirius was already standing beside Rita Magnus, chatting happily while she was staring down at something in her hands with an unreadable expression. It wasn't really hard to guess what it was.

"SIRIUS!" James's voice saw to it that the present students were all at once wide awake and stretched their necks to see Sirius, grinning broadly, looking at his best friend. Or his ex-best friend as it seemed at the moment, as James was staring at him with a mixture of anger and disbelief, holding Lily's hand, who didn't look as if she was already completely awake. James calmed down a bit, but his voice was still loud enough to be heard by everyone in the Great Hall.

"I can't believe that you did this!"

Sirius only grinned. "Prongs, you had the choice."

"We didn't think that you're _that_ evil!"

For a short moment, Sirius looked thoughtful. "Maybe I should ask for a transfer to Slytherin?"

James, although still mad at his friend, couldn't but laugh at the thought of Sirius being in Slytherin. Given the fact that he'd survive the first week there without being killed by Snape or one of his other favourite targets, of course. It was ridiculous.

Seeing that James wouldn't curse him - at least not at the moment - Sirius approached him and Lily.

"This wasn't the photo, was it, Sirius? Please say that you gave her something else!" It was the first time that Lily spoke since entering the Great Hall.

Sirius shook his head. "Lily, Sweetheart, when I'm doing something, then I'm doing it properly."

"Oh no." Moaning, she buried her head in her hands.

"Hey, are you ashamed of having me as your boyfriend?" James breathed a kiss on her hair, not even noticing the dirty looks they were given.

Lily glanced up. "No, of course not. But you don't have to be afraid that half the female population of Hogwarts will try to curse you."

"Right." James put an arm around her shoulder and led her to the Gryffindor house table, a lopsided grin on his face. "All I have to fear are the boys. That's a lot better, no doubt there."

Against her own will, Lily laughed and sat down at the table beside him, followed by a smirking Sirius a moment later. Lily and James had their backs turned to the other tables, therefore they couldn't see that Rita was making her way through the seats, make a stop by each student to show the photo and gossiping with a strange satisfaction. Sirus, on the contrary, was watching her with a highly amused expression, and as he had a good look around the Hall, he was the first to see Snape coming in their direction, only accompagnied by Geffrey this time, Hylretch was still sleeping, probably. Their eyes were fixed on James's and Lily's backs, therefore they missed the glares Sirius was shooting at them and approached undauntedly.

"So Mr. Heartbreak and Ms I'm-So-Wonderful are finally a couple now? How _sweet_. Maybe you're even planning to keep her as your girlfriend for more than a _week_, Potter?" Snape's oily voice caused Lily and James to spin around instantly.

"Piss off, Snape!" James said through gritted teeth while glaring up at him and putting a protecting arm around Lily. Although Lily didn't really look as if she needed to be protected. In fact, she was staring furiously at the greasy-haired boy and his companion, slowly counting from ten to one in order not to explode. Reaching the one, she took a deep breath and put on her sweetest smile. "Severus, you know exactly that I'd love to be your girlfriend, but as you're liking boys, I have to comfort myself with James, although he isn't a patch on you, of course."

Behind her, Sirius burst out with laughter while James tightened his grip around her shoulder and sniggered quietly into her hair. For a moment, Snape was gazing at Lily in a complete loss of words, then his face suddenly turned a dark shade of red - the colour didn't suit his hair at all - and, forcing a sneer on his face, he beckoned Geffrey to follow him back to their house table, only calling a gloating "Have a _nice_ day!" over his shoulder. 

"Don't worry, we'll have that." Lily muttered sarcastically while turning back to her plate and carefully trying to avoid the glares she received from just about every girl. James, on the opposite, looked around in the Hall, darting angry looks at everyone who was staring at him with fury, jealousy, loathing or whatever. But as the Great Hall filledwith more and more new yawning students that were informed about the news instantly, he had to give it up eventually and turned back to his friends.

***

Lily had been right with her guess that their day wouldn't be nice at all. Rita had wasted no time, and before the time the lessons started, there was a countless number of copies of the aforesaid photo distributed everywhere in the castle, even some teachers owned a exemplar. Professor Mylar, the Divination teacher, was one of them. Unfortunately, Lily's first lesson was Divination, and so she had to stand the Professor drawling on and on about why this love was condemned to fail, how Jupiter would cause countless misunderstandings and hurts and how they would both end up with broken hearts because their signs didn't harmonize with each other at all and so on until Lily finally had enough. She rose from her armchair and grinned at Professor Mylar.

"Okay, now I know that James and me are going to die because we fell in love with each other. Can you please tell me which one of our friends will also die because of that? Maybe Sarah and Sirius? We could kill them because they gave that photo to Rita Magnus. Or Peter will join Voldemort 'cause he's feeling left out. Or..."

Mylar jumped to her feet, looking furious and frightened at the same time. "How can you dare to say his name here in my class? To the Headmaster. Now."

Lily didn't even bother to contradict, she was much too glad to leave this lesson, and so she packed up her things, called for Nero and the both of them left the classroom, Lily waving a quick goodbye to Sarah and Jessie, then she set off for Dumbledore's office.

***

Another teacher who owned a copy was McGonagall. Much to James's misery, as she had just been speaking to the Astronomy teacher who had told her about the strange changes of his classroom. And as McGonagall had quickly connected the photo of Lily's and James's kiss with these changes, James found himself held back by her just when he was about to leave the Transfiguration classroom for his next lesson. To his surprise, she didn't look furious, and if he hadn't known it better, then he'd have said that she was studying him with what seemed to be emotion before starting to speak.

"Mr Potter, you won't receive detention for your... er, for the things you did to the Astronomy Tower. You can be thankful that the Professor isn't upset."

"No detention?" James was speechless for a moment. 

"I ask you though to make the room look like it did before, as he'll need it for his lessons tonight. Is that clear?"

James nodded, grinning broadly. "But of course, Madam."

"Okay then. You can leave. And James? Don't call me Madam!"

"Yes, Professor." James was about to step out into the corridor when he turned around, thinking that McGonagall had called him back, but when he looked at her, she was gazing out of the window. He shrugged, telling himself silently that it was only his imagination. There was no way that McGonagall just had muttered "Take good care of her, James. She'll need it.". No way. It was absolutely absurd. Pushing away the thought, he took a look at his watch and hurried down the corridor, glad that it was deserted, therefore no one was making any comment about the photo. This meaned as well that he would be late for his next lesson, but who cared?

***

Lily reached the entrance of Dumbledore's office just when she heard the bell ringing, announcing the start of the second lesson. The last time she had to visit the Headmaster was only a month ago, but when she said the password, nothing happened. Just when she was running out of sweets, it opened and Dumbledore's head peered out, a smile flitting across his face as he saw Lily.

"It's 'fire-spewing bubble gum'. I love it when people are spewing different coloured flames! - Anyway, come in, please."

Grinning, Lily followed the Headmaster to his office and took the chair in front of his desk. Instead of taking his chair, Dumbledore sat down on his desk, looking at Lily with twinkling eyes, although his expression was unusually earnest.

"It's good that you're here, Lily, I wanted to talk to you anyway. But tell me firstly why our dear Ms. Mylar sent you up to me."

"Oh, that." Lily shrugged. "She was going on and on about a certain photo" - she glanced at the Headmaster to see if he had heard about it already, judging by his amused smile, he had - "and then I sort of lost my patience and said something about Lord Voldemort, and then she jumped up and told me to leave as she didn't want me to say his name in her classes, and that's it."

"And now she wants me to expel you?" Dumbledore winked at her, then he became serious. "But Voldemort - don't stop calling him by his true name, all those titles like You-Know-Who makes people only more afraid! So, where did I leave off? Oh, yes, Voldemort... I wanted to see you because of him." He leaned forwards, now the twinkle was completely gone. "Lily, your parents didn't die by chance. There's a reason why Voldemort went for them, and this reason is a prediction."

Lily moved uncomfortably. "I don't believe in predictions, Professor."

"It doesn't matter if you believe it or not, Lily. Voldemort does, or maybe he just wants to make sure that nothing's going to stand in his way. One of our spies who's pretending to be working for Voldemort gave us the lines of a prediction a fortune-teller made once for Voldemort. The Ministry of Magic takes the view that the whole thing isn't worth any attention, and that's why I didn't know about it until yesterday." Dumbledore reached inside his pocket, searching for a piece of parchment where someone had written down something that seemed to be a poem. For a moment, he watched Lily who was sitting in her chair and looked as if she didn't know what to make of the situation. How could this prediction have anything to do with her parents' death? Dumbledore cleared his throat, then read the lines aloud:

"'You will get everything you wish for

Or almost everything

As long as you beware 

Of the flower's child

You can't defeat love

It is stronger than you

Never underestimate it

Or it might be 

The last thing you do!'"

Lily sat there and stared at the Headmaster for a moment, then cleared her throat, refusing to take in any of the words he had read to her. "This is a prediction? It can't be, Professor, they are always poems!" She didn't want to sound so harsh, but Dumbledore just smiled.

"It is a real prediction, Lily, but it wasn't written for a book that should help to predict the future, it was an oral prophecy. And that's quite a difference."

"And.. What does it have in common with me? Why should it be the reason for my parents's death?"

"Because Voldemort believes in divination, Lily, and as he wants to make sure that no one's standing in his way, he'll be after you."

"Why me?" Normally, Lily wasn't as slow in the uptake, but she was too puzzled to think clearly.

Dumbledore laid a hand on her shoulder. "Because of your name, Lily. At the moment, there aren't many girls or women named after a flower. There are only seventeen witches in the wholeof Great Britain, though this sounds incredible. You're not the only one he's after, but of those seventeen, six are already older than forty-five, so it's not likely that they'll have another child, and he already killed the ones they had. He did the same to the children of the others, and some of the other women already found their deaths."

"What?"

He began ticking down names with his fingers. "Constantin Copper, son of Jasmine Copper, they're both dead. Alanna Reiwn, daughter of Rose Reiwn. Rene..." Seeing Lily's shocked face, he stopped at once and rubbed his eyes with his knuckles. "Anyway, what I want to make you understand, Lily: You're in danger. The ministry doesn't think so, but I do."

"But why my parents?" Her voice wasn't more than a whisper, and she blinked to hold back a tiny tear.

"We'll never know that exactly, but I guess that Voldemort didn't like the idea of being defeated, so he went to do something about it. And as you were in Hogwarts, he wanted to hurt you, at least."

"He could have killed me during the Christmas hols..."

"No. I had a bad feeling about this, so I made sure that you're safe at your grandmother's house."

Lily didn't want to believe him. He had to be wrong, she was just a girl of fourteen, the thought that her child would defeat Voldemort was ridiculous.

"No, it isn't ridiculous, Lily. Voldemort wants to take over the country, he's longing for power. And he knows that he can't make it in a few months, it will take him several years. And in a few years, it is possible that you'll have a child." 

Once again, Lily stared up at him. Was he able to read her mind? Or had it been so obvious what she had been thinking? Dunbledore smiled at her sympatheitically.

"I know that this sounds strange for you. Think about it, it's not that unbelievable. And even if you don't belive it, nevertheless, there's the fact that Voldemort does. He can't hurt you as long as you're at Hogwarts, I hope, but please be cautious. Will you promise me that?"

Lily nodded, although she wasn't quite sure if it was her head that had nodded. Usually, her head wasn't aching and spinning.

*****

__

There wasn't much Remus in this fic (please don't complain, RavenNat! J__ ), but as far as I'm judging him, I don't think that he would enjoy a prank like the one with the photo as much as Sirius and Sarah 'cause he'd have a guilty conscience, therefore he'd not talk so much. Just to make this clear...

And also a stupid question: Are there also any male authors, readers, whatsoever? 'Cause the authors and readers that pointed out their sex are all female, at least those I can remember at the moment. Well, just a question, I'm only curious.

P.S. I'll also write another L/J fic that'll have nothing to do with 'Nail a pudding on the wall'. I hope I can post it soon.

© Saralea


	2. Part 2

Have you ever been up all night __

No, I didn't stop writing 'As we go on'. I was just so caught up in 'I'd love you to hate me' that I had difficulties in concentrating on somethin else. I'm sorry that you had to wait so long! Thanks to those who reviewed and also thanks to those who wrote to me and asked for the next part, you know who you are. If you didn't remind me, then this would have taken much longer. 

And if you don't remember anymore (can't blame you there!), the last scene was Lily in Dumbledore's office, he told her about this prediction.

****

As we go on...

Part 2

Have you ever been up all night? Have you ever been awake for more than 24 hours? If you did so, then you know what it feels like. It is like sleep-walking, but at the same time, you're wide awake. It feels a bit like a dream, everything seems to be far away and blurred, but nonetheless strangely real. Like a film on television in slow motion. Or maybe like you feel a few seconds before dozing off after you were given an anesthesia. 

Why am I boring you with these questions? Because that's how Lily felt when she left Dumbledore's office, like a part of this slow-motion film, waiting for someone to cry "Cuuuuut!" so that she could act normally again. But there was no one. No one cried "Cut", the corridors were totally deserted. If she had thought logically, then this wouldn't have surprised her as it was 10 minutes before the end of the second lesson and every student and teacher was sitting in his classroom, taking notes of medieval goblin revolutions or trying to pour a Polyjuice Potion. But Lily wasn't thinking straight, and so the fact that she seemed to be the only person in the corridors made her impression that she was completely alone and abandoned only more intense. She knew that her self-pity was pathetic, but she also decided that she had the right to act a little pathetic, after all, you don't get told every day that the most powerful dark wizard ever is longing to see you dead, right?

And so Lily walked down a stair in direction of the room most of you probably still know _(A/N: It's the one where Lily caught James kissing this other girl the day after the Ball, just in case you forgot about that)_. As Dumbledore had given her the day off, she thought that this was the ideal place to spend the next few hours as nobody would find her there except for her friends. And they had to be in their lessons and weren't able to look for her. 

Ignoring the knight's challenge to a duel, Lily muttered the password and climbed into the room, the portrait closing behind her. She took a quick look around and took in the picture of the four velvety sofas, the woolen carpet that looked completely clean although it was most likely that it hadn't been washed for at least ten years, and the pieces of fluff that were dancing in the sunbeams that came in through the only window the room had. From the outside, it was impossible to see the window, they had often tried to find it, but still it was there and lit up the room.

Lily went over to it and leaned against the window frame, her head resting against the cold glass and not really noticing the first green leaves of the trees. 

__

Why did they have to name me Lily? Judith's a fine name. Or Kathleen. Whatsoever. But no, it just had to be Lily, and now Voldemort's after me. My child, defeating him? How ridiculous. This would require that I had a child, or that I'm going to have one soon. Damn, I'm fourteen! 

The sound of the opening portrait caused Lily to turn around. James entered the room, looking totally exhausted, but his face brightened up quickly when he saw her standing at the window.

"Hi Love! Watcha doing? Have you been hunted to death by your admirers? I've been."

Lily shook her head, smiling slightly. "Express yourself clearly, Mr. Potter. Who was hunting you? Your or my admirers?"

"Yours. I'd never have thought that you were _that_ popular!"

"Hey!" she protested immediately, but James just grinned and tugged her close, covering her mouth with his lips. 

When they had both gained back their self-control, he dragged her to one of the sofas and laid down, pulling Lily down as well so that she was lying next to him, her head resting on his chest. "So, why're you here?"

She just sighed and closed her eyes, not willing to disturb the comfortable atmosphere by repeating the words Dumbledore had said to her. There was, of course, no chance that James would be satisified with such an answer. Knowing that there was definitely something wrong, he brushed the hair out of her face and began stroking it. "Come on, Flower, you know you can tell me."

"Don't call me flower. If I weren't a flower, then all this wouldn't have happened."

"What wouldn't have happened?" James peered down at her.

"My parents, for example." she whispered, and now James really was worried.

He grabbed her firmly around the shoulders, pressing her even closer against him than she already was. "Lil... You can't blame youself for their death. It wasn't your fault."

"Yes, it was. If I didn't exist, then they would still be alive." She bit her lips, forcing the tears that threatened to escape her to stop.

"What happened, dear? You weren't thinking like that this morning. If it was something someone said, then I'm going to kill this person."

"You'd have to kill Dumbledore." Lily whispered, the shade of a smile on her face.

James winced. "Dumbledore? Dumbledore did this to you? But why? And what did he say?"

"He didn't say that my parents' death was his fault, but that was the meaning of his words."

"Which words?" he pressed.

Lily took a deep breath, not sure what to say. What if he just laughed? Or decided to stay away from her in order not to endanger himself? 

__

Hey, this is James, your friend! You love him, and he loves you too. - Does he? - Of course he does, he said so, remember? And James doesn't say words without meaning, not to his friends. And he'd never leave you out of selfishness. Never.

While Lily had been debating with herself silently, James had been waiting patiently, feeling that this wasn't easy for her, but now he lifted her up into a sitting potion, sat up himself and put her into a tight embrace. "You know that you can tell me everything, don't you?"

He felt her head nodding against his chest, then she began to repeat Dumbledore's words. When she was done, neither of them moved for a few minutes, only James' hand was still stroking Lily's hair.

"What d'you think?" Lily's voice disturbed the silence.

James looked out of the window, then down at her before answering her question. "I think we should do everything to prevent you from being alone, no matter where you are." He hesitated for an instant, then decided that a bit of humor couldn't do any harm. _(You know that you mean what you're saying. You would like to do that! - Shut up!)_ "Not even in your bed. I'd take care of that."

"James!"

Lily glared, but this didn't bother him in the slightest. A glaring Lily was much better than a sad one because the latter made him feel like someone was stabbing his heart with thousands of tiny knives. So he smiled sweetly at her, eyes all wide and innocent. "Well, Dumbledore said something about a child, didn't he? The more you practise, the more you..."

He couldn't continue as her hand was hitting his face, but as she didn't put much strenght into the slap, he knew that she wasn't too mad.

"Ow." He grinned at her. "So I take it that you don't want to practise with me?"

"I don't want to practise with _anyone_."

"But if your opinion changes, you'll come to me, right?"

"Keep you hormones in check, Potter!"

"What did he do?" Remus entered the room just in time to hear Lily's last words.

"Oh, nothing..." She blushed.

Remus looked back and forth between a very red Lily and a grinning James. "Yeah, right. Bet it was something very much like spending the night together."

"You know me too well." James looked amazed, but not embarrassed at all.

"Even Snape could have figured out that one, Prongs. Although he has _not_ to sleep in a dorm with you."

"What's wrong with sleeping in a dorm with James?" Lily asked curiously. She ignored James' invitation to find it out on her own and waited for Remus' reply instead.

"He's talking in his sleep."

"He is?"

"Yep."

"Am not!"

"Yes, you are."

"What does he say?"

"Nothing you want to know about, Lily."

"Sure?"

"Definitely. James' dreams are way too improper for your young ears too hear."

"Excuse me?" Now James was moving uncomfortable.

"Don't you remember your own dreams?"

"Nope."

"Well, maybe this is better for poor Lily."

"Why're you here, anyway?"

"Oy, Prongs, is there someone trying to change the topic?" Remus grinned.

"No. Why're you here?"

"Divination. Couldn't stand the thought of Mylar drawlingon and on about the Grim she thought to see in my crystal ball. Most likely, it was just Sirius doing something stupid."

Lily smiled. "She'll miss James today. That he's not there robs her of the possibility to make any more predictions about this stupid photo."

"She owns a copy?"

"Yes. Rita waisted no time. And come to think of it, please remind me to kill Sirius. He's responsible for an awful lesson, full of death signs and so on."

"Mylar's lessons are always filled with that."

"Yeah, but normally, she doesn't concentrate only on you and me. And on our influence on our friends' lives."

"Oh, what did she say? Something interesting?" James leaned forwards.

"Nothing _you_ would call interesting. Only that our love'll fail for sure 'cause you're far too stupid for me."

Remus laughed. "It was more something about your signs not getting along, I guess."

Lily grinned, then nodded, tousling the hair of a sulking James - although it didn't look any different afterwards.

"That brings me to something else, Lil: Why are _you_ here? You should be in Transfiguration right now! Couldn't stand the thought of being away from Jamie-boy, eh?"

James covered Lily's mouth with his hand and nodded smugly. "Yeah. She missed me with all her heart and forced me to skip the third lesson." He gave the girl an aw-shucks grin, then became a bit more serious. "Actually, we're here 'cause Dumbledore told her about a prediction Voldemort believes in, a prediction concerning Lily, me and our child."

"It didn't concern you!" Lily had finally freed herself.

"Can you imagine any other boy as the father of your child?" James pulled a face.

"I can't imagine _anyone at all_ as the father of my child 'cause I won't have one for at least the next four years."

"You sure?" he asked, the grin once again returning, despite their delicate situation.

Remus sighed. "Could you eventually stop discussing James' hormonal issues? I'd like to hear what this prediction was about."

"Of course." Lily agreed instantly, silencing James, who was about to protest, with a warning look. Oddly enough, he got the message and shut up. "It says that Voldemort has to look out for the child of the 'flower', as it could be his downfall, and also that he mustn't try to defeat love as it's stronger than him."

"And you are the flower, right?" 

She nodded. "One of them, at least."

"And now Voldemort wants to see you dead." Remus came quickly to this solution.

"Yes. And that's also why he killed my parents." It didn't hurt her that much right now, as she was distracted by James as well as by Remus.

"Which means that we'll have to look after you."

"Yeah." James took part in the conversation again. "We have to make sure that there's always someone with her. I'll take care of her during those hours I don't have to practise Quidditch. And during the nights, of course."

"How come I never came to see this side of you _before_ I agreed to become your girlfriend?"

"We were supposed to be just friends, I could hardly make any suggestions about sharing a pillow right then, could I?"

"I guess so." Lily shrugged and turned back to Remus. "Don't listen to that jerk."

"Well... He's right, you know. - Partly." Remus added quickly after seeing her disbelieving look. "Not about the part concerning taking care of you during the night."

"Oooooh." James looked disappointed, but was ignored by Remus as well as by Lily.

"But the rest was definitely right. You mustn't be alone even a single second."

"D'you think that would do any good? I just can't imagine that a man more or less to kill would stop Voldemort."

James reached for her hand. "It's the only chance we have." 

*****

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Sorry, sorry, sorry! This part was awful, I know that. You don't have to tell me. WRITER'S BLOCK! And it was also horribly short, I'm aware of that as well. But I don't have any time at the moment, please forgive me. I'll try to get up the next part of this and the fourth one of "I'd love you to hate me" as soon as possible, okay?

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to me as I'm J. K. Rowling, I'm sure you already noticed that by the brilliant way I'm writing my stories. No, no autographs today, sorry! And as I'm schizophrenic, I'm also the German cartoonist Tom, therefore the nice little cartoon right at the beginning's mine as well. - J/K, you all know that nothing belongs to me.

Anna, Cassie Lee: I'm terribly, horribly sorry! Please believe me when I'm saying that I didn't have a single second by myself! I'll hurry up! To Ana:): Which Coca Cola song? 'Always Coca Cola'? It's the only one I know...

RavenNat: Not much Remus, I know, but I tried, really. I'm not very good at writing Remus, you know...

Emma: You want to know why I made Rita's last name Magnus? I always imagined that she was married, but drove her husbandto suicide. *g* No, honestly, I don't know. But I can think of her as a disappointed and left wife, that would explain her character. 

Me, myself and I: I already said that I don't hate you in the slightest bit, I think. If not, then I'm doing it now. And no, I didn't block you or something. Promise. I'd never do that to you!

Allie: Dippet was the Headmaster in my last part? Ooooops! How come I don't remember and you do? Thank you for pointing it out. - Anyway, let's just say that Dippet became sick and Dumbledore took his position over in the middle of the term, okay?

Skyflyer: That's a difference between you and me: Your brother's in the army, and mine's still going to the kindergarten... Really, I'm not joking. 

Elektra Potter: Of course I used Remus' name, but I think he was Moony right from the start. His nickname doesn't have anything to do with the other three boys (curse Peter!!!) becoming Animagi, I guess he got it the moment James, Sirius and Peter *can't suppress a growl* found out about the werewolf-thing.

Elendil: Erm, you're able to speak 6 (in words: six) languages? Wow. *is deeply impressed*

Jessie: Did you get my email? I'm not entirely sure if I spelled your email-address right... Therefore, if there was nothing in your mailbox, then tell me and I'll send it once again.

© Saralea


	3. Part 3

AS3 __

You don't have to worry, people, this James won't turn out to be a pervert, that's the business of "I'd Love You To Hate Me"-Jamie. The one here just said what he said because he wanted to get Lily's mind off the Voldie-topic. Okay, I just thought I should make this clear.

As the last part is quite a long time ago (sorry...), here's a short summary of what happened so far: After Sirius spread the photo of Lily and James's kiss, the both of them have a rather stressful day. Because she mentions Voldie's name in Divination, Professor Mylar, the Divination teacher, sends her to Dumbledore's office. The Headmaster then tells her about a prediction that was made for our favorite Dark Wizard, and as it says that the child of the 'Flower' might be his downfall, every girl named after a flower is in danger now. Obviously, Lily's one of them. She tells James, who happens to find her in their room, about it and he suggests a 24-hour-guarding service, the team formed by Jessie, Sarah, Sirius, Remus, Peter *pulls a face* and himself, of course. - Remember? Great, then here we go!

****

As we go on...

Part 3

"Okay, let me get this straight." Sirius raised both hands in the air, looking stressed and slightly helplessly. "You're trying to tell me that Voldemort is after Lily just because of some stupid prediction some Mylar look-alike recently made for him?"

He was answered by nods from Lily, James and Remus.

"And now we have to watch 24/7 over her, right?"

Once again the three nodded their heads.

"Damn." was all Sirius said before plopping down in his chair.

The afternoon light of the sun was glistening through the half-closed curtains of the Gryffindor tower, bright spots of light were dancing on the walls and on the faces of the six Gryffindors who were assembled in the room. They were alone at the moment, everyone else was down in the Great Hall for lunch. Deciding that this was the perfect time to have some privacy, the group had skipped it. Well, the whole group except Peter, they hadn't been able to find him, and so they assumed that they could start the discussion without him and inform him later. Although the six friends weren't discussing right now. In the contrary to their usual noisy behaviour, their conversations filled with laughter, everyone was silent, a mixture of confusion and desperation evident on their faces as they were staring into the flames of the fire that was burning the whole year, in summer as well as in winter. In the summers, it brought somewhat fresh air in the room while in the winters, it heated everything up, so it was a great place to sit at, no matter what time of the year. 

After minutes of thoughtful silence, Remus was the first to speak. He tugged a roll of parchment out of his bag and places a quill next to it, then looked around. "Why don't we start making a list with everything we have to do and think about? Maybe this helps us to bring some order in this whole mess."

James sighed. He was sitting in the loveseat together with Lily, his arm loosely draped around her shoulders, and to everyone who didn't know anything about the situation, it would be clearly obvious that James was the one Voldemort was after. He looked like the fear in person. His girlfriend next to him seemed to be quite calm. Now that she had told her friends what was bothering her, she was relieved of the blind panic and disbelief she had felt at the beginning. She was nervous, yes, but she didn't want to show this to anyone. It would only cause them to worry more about her than they already did, especially James. So she kept her anxiety inside and covered it up in smiling. "I don't think there's any point in guarding me. Hogwarts is safe."

Even to her, this statement sounded completely ridiculous and the sarcastic snorts of the others and the firmer grip of James's hand immediately proved her right on her shoulder.

Jessie shook her head. "Lil, stop playing the hero and face reality. This is serious."

"It's not only serious. It's also deadly dangerous." Remus added.

"But it's just some random prediction. I'm sure Voldemort got a lot of those during his life. Why'd he want to go for this one?" Lily tried to find arguments for her attitude, but she knew very well that she was fighting a losing battle.

"Lil, listen." It was the first time that James spoke after they had left the little room behind the portrait of the knight. "No matter what you say or do, you can't stop me from caring about you and doing everything to ensure your safety, so just quit trying, it won't get you anywhere. Even if I have to tie you up to a chair to keep you from going anywhere alone, you can be sure that I'd do this. I will _not_ let happen anything to you."

Lily was about to go off. What gave him the right to treat her like that? She wasn't a little baby that needed to be protected by big daddy. She was old enough to watch out for herself. And then, she was at Hogwarts, therefore it wasn't as if Voldemort could be waiting for her behind every corner. Opening her mouth to speak, she took a deep breath, then made the mistake to look at James - and everything she had wanted to say just disappeared. No more "How dare you?", all she could think of was that she didn't want to see this fear into his eyes and that she was ready to agree with their plans as long as it calmed him down at least a bit. So she just closed her mouth and nodded.

***

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In our darkest hour  
In my deepest despair  
Will you still care?  
Will you be there?  
In my trials and my tribulations  
Through our doubts and frustrations  
In my violence  
In my turbulence  
Through my fear and my confessions  
In my anguish and my pain  
Through my joy and my sorrow  
In the promise of another tomorrow  
I'll never let you part  
For you're always in my heart

Michael Jackson - Will you be there

The darkest time of the night is right before the start of the dawn. Not knowing why or how, it was exactly the time Lily chose to wake up. After staring out at the black sky that showed through the gap between the curtains for what seemed like hours without being able to fall asleep again and anticipating the thunderstorm that was about to go off very soon. Finally she sneaked out of bed, not wanting to disturb any of her roommates. 

The air outside was cold, yet refreshing. Lily shuddered a little as the icy wind blew at her bare arms, but she was enjoying the sensation. The last few days had been much too hot and sultry for this time of the year, the middle of spring. It just didn't seem appropriate. Somehow it reminded Lily of the proverbial silence before the storm. 

Her arms folded on the balustrade of the balcony, her back turned to the door that led into the Gryffindor common room. She let her thoughts drift from one subject to another, like the momentary silence between Sirius and Sarah, caused by him kissing some random girl two days ago - the boys hadn't known that the girls had planned to check out the same club in Hogsmeade exactly this night. So, at the moment, things were rather awkward between those two, although everyone, but most of all Sirius, hoped that everything would work out eventually while Sarah kept on either glaring or ignoring him completely.

Lily raised her head and looked up at the moon that was peering through a tiny hole in the cloud cover. Full. Remus was now at the Shrieking Shack or maybe somewhere in the Forbidden Forest, along with the animagus forms of his three male friends. She vaguely wondered what they were doing, although she wasn't really concerned. The quartet knew how to look out for itself. 

Thinking of the quartet brought her mind to what she had been unconsciously avoiding till now. James. Lily sighed, resting her head on her arms, her gaze focused on her bare feet. How was she supposed to figure out what she was feeling right now, her uncertainty about anything around her, including her friends, but most of all James, a result of her fear. How could she stay with them if at the same time, she knew that she might endanger them? It was enough to know that Voldemort was after her, but what if he decided that it couldn't do any harm if he hurt her a little before he actually killed her. What prevented him from killing James or Jessie or whomever, like he had already done with her parents? 

The tapping of a pair of feet behind her made her spin around. When she saw whom they belonged to, she breathed a sigh of relief and took a step to the side to make space for Sirius. Wordlessly, he stepped next to her, his hands grabbing the balustrade as if in search for something to hold on to.

Out of the corner of her eyes, Lily watched him for a few minutes, noticing him biting his lower lip, the way he unconsciously shifted his weight from one leg to the other, before she eventually decided to speak. "How come you're not out there, with Remus, James and Peter?"

The boy next to her didn't respond immediately, his eyes focused on something far away only he could see. When he finally answered, she could hear the sadness in his voice, sadness about the way things were going. It was also evident in his eyes, which resembled the sky in their color. "I didn't feel like going out tonight." He paused for an instant and eyed her questioningly. "Actually, I'm surprised that you even want to talk to me after what I did."

She shot him a wry smile. "You can thank James for that. He practically begged me to give you at least the chance to explain."

"Guess I owe him, then."

"I only said that I'd _listen_, Sirius. Unless you have a pretty good explanation for what we saw at that club, nothing's gained."

He sighed and turned around to face her, looking her straight in the eye, trying to hold her gaze. "Lil, I wish I _had_ a good explanation. The problem is: I don't. All I can say is that my brain was somewhere else."

"I can just imagine." Lily muttered, shooting a meaningful glance at his pants, but Sirius emphatically shook his head.

"No, that's not it. If I can say one thing for sure, then it's that this wasn't the reason. The truth is, I was scared. Plain and simple. Suddenly I was afraid that... Oh damn, this sounds so stupid! Well, anyway. I was afraid of loving too much."

"Sorry, but what? How can you love too much, Sirius? This is ridiculous."

"Yeah, it is. Now I can say that, too, but at that moment, in the club where everyone was dancing, and then the lights and all people having fun, and yet all I could think of was Sarah, well, right then I was afraid that I forgot how to have fun. And so I did the first thing that came to my mind."

"Which was a pretty stupid thing."

Sirius bent his head. "As if I don't know... After all, it made me lose her."

"Honestly, Sirius, what were you thinking?"

"Nothing."

"I figured that much."

"Lil, just answer me one question: Do you believe me?"

There was silence for a minute, the girl staring out into the dark of the night, the boy watching her intensely, eagerly awaiting her reply while dreading it at the same time. He was a little startled when all of a sudden, she turned around and nodded. "Yes, Sirius. I do believe you. But that doesn't mean that I can understand you or say that it's not that bad what you did."

"I know. I guess I was on the James-trip. Remind me never ever again to use James as an example."

"I will if you tell me what you mean by _'James-trip'_."

A look of confusion crossed Sirius's face, then Lily could see the ghost of a smile. "Nah, don't worry, it's not what you think. Jamsie didn't do anything wrong, I swear. Heck, he didn't even notice all those dancing girls! No, I was referring to the former James, you know, Mr. Heartbreak. The way James behaved about half a year ago."

"Oh yeah, it was like he wanted to set a new world record in breaking girl's hearts, wasn't it?"

"Yup. Well, back then, I asked him once why he didn't stay with the same girl for at least a week or so. He told me that, as long as it was just for a short time, he wouldn't be in danger of falling in love, and therefore he couldn't get hurt and no one would be able to control him."

"Pretty stupid theory, if you ask me." Lily muttered, and Sirius nodded.

"By the way, that's exactly what James said when I reminded him of this conversation." He sighed. "To tell the truth: I've never seen him that mad. He was yelling at me about my stupidity and stuff. I deserved it, though. Anyway, he said that I shouldn't copy his faults and that maybe this was right for him back then, but as long as you have a relationship worth fighting for, it's just plain dumb to screw it up like this."

"_James_ said that?"

"Yeah. He really changed, didn't he?" Sirius looked thoughtful, but shook it off quickly and turned to the girl next to him. "Lily, d'you think I still have a chance with Sarah?"

Lily was quiet. She knew that Sarah wasn't over Sirius, not at all, but she wasn't sure if, as Sarah's friend, she was allowed to tell him, so she just shrugged. "It's up to you to find out, Padfoot, it's up to you..."

"...Which means no."

"...Which means maybe. If you really try, she might give you a second chance."

"Okay, I'd say we let go of the topic now." Once again, Sirius sighed, and then he looked Lily up and down, suddenly wondering why she was up this early in the morning. He raised a brow. "Didn't we forbid you to go anywhere alone?"

Lily averted her eyes. "I..."

He groaned. "Oh no. Lily, please, not again. Hey, little sister, this is for you to write down: You won't get rid of us that easily. You can bitch at us as much as you want, we know the reasons behind your behavior, and just because you don't want to endanger us, it doesn't mean that you have the choice."

There was no answer. Lily had her back turned to him; her shoulders slumped slightly forwards. She was watching the Hogwarts grounds, seeing, but not noticing anything. Not the moon, half hidden behind a cloud, not the lake, resembling the sky in its darkness, and not the Forbidden Forest, the slight trembling of its trees in anticipation of the upcoming thunderstorm. She was lost in her own world, in her inner battle between conscience, fear, friendship and who knows what else.

When Sirius finally came to realize that there was no point in awaiting her reaction, he tapped her slightly on the shoulder. "Lil, I'll go to sleep now. You'd better do the same, but I let you sort things out on your own, okay? I don't think you're in any danger right now. Sweet dreams."

For a moment, Lily was jerked out of her thought and flashed him a smile. "Goodnight, big brother. Try not to worry too much."

Right then, he didn't know that these would be the last words he heard from her for quite some time.

***

James awoke when the first ray of sunlight hit his face. He was in a strange state of uneasiness, shifting uncomfortably, not able to go back to sleep, although he had spent most of the last night in the Forbidden Forest, not to mention the thunderstorm that had soaked Remus, Peter and him to the skin. He hadn't the faintest idea what was keeping him from falling asleep again. That is, he didn't have the faintest idea until his hand touched a piece of paper that was hidden under his pillow. Pulling it out from beneath, he immediately recognized Lily's hand, and with a jerk, he was wide-awake and sat up in his bed, grabbed his glasses and read the message, eyes open wide in shock.

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Dear James, Sarah, Jessie, Sirius, Remus, Peter and whoever else is reading this,

when you're reading this letter, I'm already far away, I won't tell you where or how. Believe me, it's for the better. Please, don't be mad at me. Look, I had to options: Number 1: Stay and endanger me and my friends, or, number 2: Disappear and endanger only me. You know which one I chose.

Try to understand me, okay? Think about it: What would you have done if you were me? I know you well enough to tell you one thing: The same. As far as I can see, it's the only and best way for every one of us. I don't want to be responsible for any more deaths. And who knows? Maybe I 'll succeed in hiding, and maybe, someday, when Voldemort will be only a nightmare of the past, we'll meet again. Till then, every one of you should feel hugged and kissed.

James: There's one thing you mustn't forget: I love you. Forever and a day. There's nothing more to say.

Sarah, Jessie: Damn, why couldn't you two be my sisters instead of snobby Petunia? Fate's cruel, isn't it? Girls, I love you, and I'll miss our chats and you laughter. Oh, and Sa? Give Sirius a chance, listen to what he has to say, okay? If not for you, then do it for me and for him. He deserves it.

Sirius: To me, you've always been the big and sometimes annoying brother I never had, and I wouldn't want to miss one single minute of the time we spent together. You can be sure that I'll never forget you. I won't forget any of you.

Remus: What else can say but: You're the greatest friend a person can have, and I don't know how I deserved being one of your best friends. I must have done something very good in my last life.

Peter: Stop being so shy! You're a wonderful person, and everyone should see that. And if they don't, then they're just not worth it.

I love you all, every one of you. Don't forget me, and you can be sure that I won't forget you.

Lily

It was a few minutes after 7 in the morning when everyone in the Gryffindor tower was woken up by a loud scream.

*****

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Two weeks without Internet, that's quite an interesting experiment, believe me. I was forced to give it a try because our computer once again decided that it was time for a break. Damn, where's superman when you need him??? That's also the reason for the new e-mail-address, by the way.

So Lily runs... Do you think that this is too much, that she's overreacting? I tried to imagine what I'd do if I were she, and this was the first and best thing that came to my mind. I hope it's believable.

Chrissy: Nope, the review didn't fit or whatever. All I could read was one sentence... No prob, it's not your fault!

Pumpkin juice: Yes, I will finish this. Definitely. I just don't have much time at the moment, what about three of my best friends being lovesick, our computer going on strike, and so on. But I promise that I won't leave my stories unfinished. 

Jessie: I didn't forget about you. Please, be a little patient. Puh-lease? Just look at what I wrote to pumpkin juice, and you know the reasons...

=): I don't know if this series will go on until their death. I think I'll end it with the end of their school time.

Sirius: You're still there? I'm surprised now. Didn't you mention you might develop withdrawal symptoms? Well, this took my like forever, so... Oh, and by the way: Damn, you really saw through me. I always say that my stuff is horrible so that everyone tells me that it's not! Fishing for compliments, you know? *g* Nah, honestly, now that I read over the second part, I don't think it's as bad as I thought when I wrote it. But if I say that I don't like things, then I mean it. I didn't like the last two part of 'I'd love you to hate me', while I think that the 5th part was pretty good. But I'm not saying this to get told that I'm wrong. - Oh, and you're male? Finally, at least one! ;)

GinnyWeasley: Nope, the knight's not Sir Cardogan. Sir Cardogan's crazy, but apart from that; he's rather cheerful. That's if his horse didn't just throw him. *g* But as the knight in the painting's always in a bad mood, it's not Sir Cardogan.

I hope I didn't forget anyone's question. It's kinda confusing with the new outfit of FFN and everything, so if I didn't answer anything, yell at your screen for a minute, and then ask me again, okay?

© Saralea


	4. Part 4

__

The last part of "I'd Love You To Hate Me" will be coming soon, I promise. But I was so into writing this that I couldn't bring myself to wait till after I finished ILYTHM. And a short remark before we start: Sometimes I use the lyrics to a song although I don't like the artist. So don't yell at me for using songs of a group you don't like, maybe I don't like them either... But as long as the lyrics seem appropriate, I use them.

****

As We Go On...

Part 4

I can't imagine 

Any greater fear

Than waking up 

Without you here

And though the sun

Would still shine on

My whole world

Would all be gone

But not for long

If I had to run

If I had to crawl

If I had to swim a hundred rivers 

Just to climb a thousand walls

Always know that I would find a way

To get to where you are

There's no place that far

Westlife - No place that far

"What exactly do you think you're doing, James?" Sirius, hands on his hips, glared at his friend who was frantically throwing clothes in an overlarge backpack. 

James didn't even bother looking up, his answer came through gritted teeth. "What does it look like, hmm? I sure as hell won't let her face Voldemort alone."

"Oh no, you will not go to search for her. Not -" Remus took now part in the conversation as well, but was cut off by James.

"Don't tell me what to do, Remus. That's my business, and there's nothing, absolutely nothing you can do to stop me."

The addressed boy raised both hands in the air; palms turned up, a sign of agreement. "Okay, okay, James. But you could at least let me finish before going off like this. What I was about to say is: You won't search for her _without_ us."

James's anger disappeared in an instant. "Oh."

Silence filled the boys' dorm, only the soft humming of a lost bumblebee could be heard. No one said a word, none of the boys moved, giving James the time to consider his two possibilities. When he shrugged his shoulders, it was like the sign to breathe again.

"I don't know... Look, this could be dangerous, maybe I'd better go alone..."

Sirius let out a snort, filled with anger and disbelief. "What day is today? The international "I have to be a hero and leave my friends alone in order to ensure their safety although they chose the danger"-day? I don't think so, James Randall Potter. Lily's our friend, too. Maybe not the love of our life, but we still love her. In a platonic way, of course."

Far too tired and anxious to argue, James nodded his agreement and turned back to his backpack when a sudden idea came to his mind, stopping him in mid-turn. "Jessie? Sarah?"

Sirius grinned a lop-sided grin that showed that he wasn't completely happy with the answer he had to give. "They're packing. We tried to talk them into staying at Hogwarts, but Sarah wouldn't even look at me, even less hear me out no matter what I have to say, and Remus didn't succeed either in persuading them. Although we _really_ need someone to stay here, just to inform us what's going on. We have to write daily letters to Dumbledore, by the way. His condition to let us search her."

"You talked to Dumbledore?" James had a confused look on his face.

"Depends how you want to put it. Actually, Dumbledore talked to us. He called us to his office and already knew our plans."

"But he didn't want to stop us?"

"He said that he knew we would find a way, so there was no use in trying to stop us. Peter will stay at Hogwarts, by the way, he is the one who has to give us the news about what's going on here." _(Bad idea, isn't it?)_

James shook his head. "You planned everything, didn't you?"

"We know you, Jamie-boy. And now hurry up and finish packing, we already did after breakfast."

***

James, Sirius, Remus, Jessie and Sarah each offered the boy a broad smile as he opened the door to the Knight Bus for them. Being in raptures about having passengers at his age, he grinned back, the corners of his mouth almost reaching his ears. The driver just nodded and turned back to his steering wheel.

Sean, as the boy had introduced himself, guided them to the back of the bus where he knew five empty beds. His uniform, glowing faintly in the dark, whipped with every of his steps, his arms flailing while he was talking rapidly. "You know, that's odd, we aren't used to pick people up at Hogwarts, and now it happened two days in a row. Today it's you five, and yesterday we had this girl. Poor thing, looked like death itself - she _was_ beautiful, though. Her grandmother was sick, and it seemed to really scare her."

The five adolescents exchanged glances, clearly thinking the same: Bingo!

"Where did you drop her?" Remus asked, trying his best to sound as casual as possible.

"Oh, at Diagon Alley. She needed to buy some medicine first. But her grandmother lives in Edinburgh, I think."

"Diagon Alley?" Sarah and Sirius repeated at the same time. They locked eyes for a second or so, then Sarah narrowed hers in anger and turned towards Sean, ignoring Sirius's pleading expression. "That's a coincidence. We have to go there as well."

Sean nodded happily. "We'll be there around eight in the morning."

"Is that the driver calling you?" James asked, hoping to make the boy leave so that they had the chance to discuss their plans.

His head bent to the side, Sean listened intently, and as if on cue, there really was the driver's voice calling out to him. Wishing them a good night, he smiled and jogged through the bus, over enthusiastic like in everything he was doing. Although she didn't voice it, he reminded Jessie of a young puppy. A friendly young puppy.

They all went to claim their beds. Needless to say that Sarah wasn't exactly happy to find herself in the one next to Sirius, and after a few quiet words with Jessie, the two girls switched. Sirius tried to keep a straight face, but it was obvious that he was hurting.

Well, maybe I deserve it, though. What was I thinking? Silently, he scolded himself, looking up at the starry ceiling of the bus.

Remus's voice jerked Sirius out of his thoughts. "So... What do we know about what Lily's planning?"

"Not much." Sarah shrugged helplessly. "Just that we won't have to search for her anywhere near Edinbugh."

"Wrong." James sat up. Now that he was on his way to search for Lily, he looked a little happier. "Lily knows that we'll try to find her or that at least someone will try to find her. When she mentioned Edinburgh, she was hoping that we'd forget about it because she _said_ she'd go there. It's logical, you see? She's trying to foresee our thinking. I bet that she's not more than an hour away from there."

"Maybe you're right, James, but she's one day ahead, so what are we going to do?"

"Very simple: Find her before Voldemort does." As if in order to emphasize his statement, James crossed his arms and lay back, eyes closed and face turned to the wall, not willing to let anyone see his pain.

The others decided to let him have his peace, and after a few minutes of silence, almost everyone went to sleep or tried to, at least, even if some had more trouble in finding their needed rest.

***

If I 

Should stay 

I would only be in 

Your way

So I'll go

But I know

I will think of you

Every step of 

The way

And I 

Will always 

Love you

Will always

Love you

You 

My darling you

Mmm.

Whitney Houston - I will always love you

Somewhere else, Scotland. 

Our world is civilized. Take your car, pick a route and you can go everywhere you want to. For modern, enlightened people like us, nature is no longer a mystery. We've seen lions in the zoo, far away from their natural living space, and after watching them and being bored after two minutes, we grabbed a coke in the next McDonald's restaurant. We've seen the Rain Forests on our TV screen, watched the reporter riding down a random river in their comfortable motorboat, and during the advertising break, we went to make some popcorn in the kitchen. We've built houses, a hundred floors high, we found out that Caesar had had flatfeet and we've been in our living room, glued to the TV set, as Neil Armstrong spoke his famous words "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." We listen to our weather report when we need to know if it's necessary to take an umbrella with us and we write tests about how a storm is caused. For us, nature is not more than an ingenious system of chemical processes, and there's no doubt that we, the mankind, are born to rule this system which also means that we have the right to destroy it whenever we feel like it. _(Yeah, riiiiight.)_

And yet, there are places where we can't control nature, places where men aren't more than an unimportant and often enough undesirable part of the circle of life. These are the places we can't dominate, in these places, nature didn't give up its millions of years old right to be the most important and powerful force, to make its own decisions. Not yet. Here, you can feel the power of life in every tree, every blade of grass, and every tiny insect. They have their own will, and a human is nothing more than an intruder, tolerated, even a part of it, but not destined to make any decisions for their fellow beings.

This is where our story takes us now. 

Even with closed eyes, it was impossible not to perceive the waterfall only a few feet away, the water glittering whitely and mysteriously in the light of the no longer full moon. Willows were bending over the gorge, their branches trembling in the slight breeze. In a cave, behind the curtain of the falling water, Lily lay sleeping on a mattress of moss she had collected during the day. Her huge backpack lay next to her on the floor; she had placed a loaf and a bottle of water on a ledge. 

After two stressing days with only a few hours of sleep, the full force of her exhaustion had finally hit her, and the moment her bed had been finished, she had fallen asleep, not even bothering to eat anything. Despite her lack of sleep, she didn't sleep soundly, tossing and turning from one side to the other, her eyelashes trembling as if she was trying to force them open but couldn't because they were glued to her skin. 

Do you know that? With a jerk, you wake up in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. You can't remember having a bad dream, you don't remember hearing an odd noise, and yet, all of a sudden, you're fully awake although you don't know why. Lily sat up, her eyes opened wide; she held her breath, listening intently for any sound that didn't belong into her natural surrounding. Quietly, trying not to make the slightest sound in order not to give away her position to any possible intruder, she searched for her wand and finally found it under her temporary pillow. She let out a sigh of relief when she saw Nero's bright green eyes approaching her, glowing in the dark. He greeted her in rubbing his head against the palm of her outstretched hand, and then he curled up next to the pullover that had to replace Lily's pillow.

Although her exhaustion was still there, when Lily lay back again, pulling her cover closer to her body, she couldn't get back to sleep. The running thoughts she had been able to put aside thanks to her overwhelming tiredness where back now, all her problems, the lost feeling, her fear, her sadness, mostly caused by having to leave her friends behind, everything was there now. She tried to listen to the calming sound of the running water. It didn't work. Her try to count unicorns was just as successful. She was glad when the first rays of sunlight finally filled her cave with light. They were falling through a hole in the ceiling, just beyond the place where Lily had set down the bred and the water. 

Stretching, she got up, her fingers nearly touching the ceiling, then she went over to the entrance and peered out of it. The sight was breathtaking. Only a few feet away, the water fell into a huge basin. She was hardly more than a man's length beyond the surface of the water, the entrance to her cave was in the middle of a rather steep wall of rock, well covered by fast-growing ferns and the branches of an enormous willow. No one who didn't know it was there would have been able to find it, even though she had known where it was supposed to be it had taken Lily more than an hour to spot it. Silently, she thanked her father for sharing this secret with her; this was where he had spent more than four weeks after being informed of his parents' death, right after the Second World War. It had been their secret, and Lily was absolutely sure that now that he was dead, she was the only one who knew this place.

Being torn between the joy the beauty of her surroundings caused and the pain of having to leave behind everything she cared for, she sighed, then called Nero and began her descent to wash her face and hands in the clean water, coming directly from the mountains.

*****

Not a very long part, I know. But it's all I can do for now.

I already said that I had to format my computer, didn't I? Well, it worked, but now here's a problem: Jess, Anna, Cassie: I lost your email-addresses during the process. So... Could you send them to me, once again? Thanks!

Pipsqueak: Wow! Now, that's what I call a long review! *grins happily* I love long reviews. Even more if they're funny. Your computer broke down as well? Which just proves my theory that computers are evil, maybe even guided by a mysterious will that wants to see every one of us going crazy or something like that. Okay, I'm rambling here...

Amethyst: I totally agree with you. But that's just the way it is sometimes, isn't it? And no relationship is perfect - except mine, of course *laughs* -, everyone has their little problems from time to time. Sirius and Sarah make no exception of the rule. But believe me, I couldn't stand them being mad at each other for too long.

Waterlily: I can't tell you how long Lily will be on the run. I didn't plan it this way, it just happened. That's how I write my stories, and from time to time you can find me looking at the monitor wondering how the hell I came up with this or that twist of the plot. I'm only the author. - That didn't make any sense, did it? But that's how it is, really. Heck, even if I try to stick to a plan, I end up writing it differently. So I eventually decided not to plan at all and that's why I can't answer your question. Sorry, really. - Oh, and as for Peter: I hate him, I do, but Lily doesn't, or otherwise, she wouldn't have agreed to make him the secret keeper. So I just had to think of something nice to write. But I guess you noticed that it wasn't as friendly as the things she wrote to the others...

Fiona: Even though I don't plan, I can tell you one thing: I won't kill Lily. Promise.

Sirius: Is this really your nickname making you that twisted or was that just an excuse? *g* Sorry, the opportunity was just too good. Anyway, you were giving references to my stories? Aw, I'm flattered now. Even if you don't believe me - and I know you don't - I'm still amazed that people like my stories that much. After all, English is a foreign language for me. 

Bunny Chan: Are you sure that walking over to Voldemort saying "Hey yo, man, kill me, wontcha!" would be the best possibility? *lol* Well, it just turned out this way, and I have to say that if I were her, that's what I'd do, I guess. 

Padfoot's Gal: You have to polish your school shoes? Are you wearing a school uniform? That's interesting. It's something that doesn't exist in Germany, you know. Erm, anyway. What did I want to say? Oh yeah, why did she run? Well, of course Hogwarts seems to be safe. But hey! Would you be able to think clearly in her place? I don't know... There are a few advantages in running away, but the most important thing is that her friends should be safe then.


	5. Part 5

As We Go On __

Yes, I admit it: I'm suffering major writer's blocks at the moment. So this is half of the reason why it took me so long for this part to write. The other half? I've been to Italy for a few days, therefore: No computer for me. I hope that explains it a bit. And I just wanted to say that I'm really, truly sorry.

****

As We Go On

Part 5

__

I didn't hear you leave  
I wonder how am I still here  
And I don't want to move a thing   
It might change my memory

Oh I am what I am   
I'll do what I want   
But I can't hide  
I won't go   
I won't sleep   
I can't breathe   
Until you're resting here with me  
I won't leave   
I can't hide   
I cannot be   
Until you're resting here with me

Dido: Here With Me; No Angel

Only a bad dream.

Lying on his back, eyes shut tightly and ears blocking out the sound of the Knight Bus's engine, all James did was silently repeating this sentence over and over again. He liked this sentence. A lot. Four words, simple and yet so beautiful. At this very moment, all he longed for was these four simple words to be true.

The sudden stop of the bus that almost made him take a forward roll brought James out of his daze. Hesitantly, he opened one eye, unwilling to let go of his daydream while, at the same time, knowing that it was nothing more than that. 

During the night, Sirius had kicked off his sheets, probably in a bad dream that still seemed to affect him, judging by the way he was shifting and moving uncomfortably, his face slightly distorted in pain. James considered reaching out to wake up his friend, but Sirius himself beat him to it. With a sudden yelp, muffled by his pillow, his eyes sprung open and focussed on thin air in front of him. It took him some time to awake properly and notice James staring at him, but when he did so, he sat up and rubbed his eyes with the knuckles of his left hand, releasing a wide yawn.

"You okay?" James asked finally, keeping his voice as a whisper in order not to disturb the sleeping people around them.

Slowly, almost unsure and not at all like his usual self, Sirius nodded. "Just... a nightmare, I guess. It's fading away, though. Something about Voldemort sending out spies to look for Lily, I think. Some sort of animals. I'm not really sure."

As Sirius had never really gotten the hang of Divination - _"Look, I can waste my time trying to make useless and foggy hints such as "Andromeda seems to be oddly distant tonight", or I can spend the time out on the field practicing Quidditch. Now, what do you think I prefer?"_ -, the chances of him having a prophetical dream were close to zero. James almost decided to dismiss it when something caught his attention. 

"Sirius?"

"Hmm?"

"How..." He took a deep breath, then started again. "How do you know it was Voldemort? Did you like... meet him or something?"

James could feel his friend's eyes boring into him for a long time, weighing him. The sound of a sigh coming from Sirius's lips startled James.

"Sirius?" he asked once again, reaching out a hand to touch his friend's arm. He was shocked not only by the suppressed shiver, but also by the strangely muffled sound of Sirius's voice when he spoke.

"Yeah." James had to lean forward to really understand the answer as it was barely above a whisper. "Yeah, I met the Dark Lord. Twice, actually, and believe me, it was one of the worst experiences of my life. They don't exaggerate when they refer to him as a monster, James."

"When?"

"The first time was at the beginning of the past year. The second time? During the summer holidays."

"But... Was it..? I mean..."

Had the situation not been so serious, Sirius would have laughed for sure. He had succeeded in making James speechless that was definitely something he had to remember. Not many people could claim that they had ever seen the captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team at a loss for words. 

"You want to know how and why I met him and why I didn't tell you before, right?" Sirius prompted only the ghost of a smile on his face. When James nodded, he took a deep breath. "Well, all those questions belong together, actually. Jay, did you ever notice that whenever I invited you to my house, my parents were never there?"

The boy sitting in front of him shrugged. "Ya, I did. But I thought they were just busy or something."

Sirius laughed humorlessly. "Oh, they were. Believe me, they were very busy trying to brew dangerous potions and testing their new-found knowledge concerning the Unforgivable Curses." He waited for a reaction of his friend, and when James remained silent, he tried not to see that as a sign of rejection and went on with his explication. 

"I hardly ever see my parents, James, but who am I to complain? As long as they aren't at home, I don't have to worry about my own sanity. Sadly, I have to worry about those of other people. Anyway, it was one of those rare occurrences when they were at home, and I remember being out in the garden, practicing my Quidditch skills as well as staying out of my so-called parents' way. Suddenly, there was the sound of a loud thud in the house. I didn't worry. Probably just some potion that went wrong, and maybe, if I was lucky, then it had caused some serious damage to my parents. No such luck, of course. The next thing I know is that my father came out of the back door. Behind him, there was another person, but all I could see was the figure of a man, covered by a dark coat, the hoodhiding his face.

"Have you ever wished to have the ability to vanish into thin air? That's what I longed for most at this very moment. Imagine me on my broomstick, flying directly over those two and knowing that my father would just about kill me if he found out that I've been within hearing distance of one of his "business conversations", as he used to call it. So, what was I supposed to do? Probably not what I did, but I decided nevertheless to hide and hope that they wouldn't discover me. I didn't really listen to what they were talking about. I guess I thought that as long as I didn't hear anything, I wasn't responsible for their next plan. All I heard was the name Wellington."

Sirius turned away from James and lay down on his back, staring up at the ceiling with unseeing eyes before resuming to tell his story. "A week later, the _Daily Prophet_ reported that a family of wizards had been killed. Their name was Wellington."

He paused once again and peered at James, waiting for his reaction, any reaction at all, but there was none. He sighed. Had he just lost his best friend because of his parents? Well, now that he had come this far, it didn't matter anymore. If James was already disgusted by him, then he could as well tell him the whole story.

"The second time I saw him was about half a year later, and this time I could actually see his face. Though I wished I didn't have to see it. He's not ugly, James. He doesn't look evil. But one look from him and you feel cold inside. - I answered the door that day, and there he was, standing in front of me. He wore the same coat he had worn when I first met him, but without the hood, that's why I could see his face. I didn't hear anything this time, my father sent me away.

"My parents are in Azkaban now, they got caught. My aunt lives with me in our house, Dumbledore made her my guardian. It's a nice change." 

James's eyes were directed at him, Sirius could feel it, but he wasn't able to read the expression they held. Disgust, hate, sympathy, everything was possible, the dim light revealed nothing. He slumped against the wall, drawing his knees closer to his body and closed his eyes. All he heard before he felt himself engrossed in a tight hug was the sound of James getting up. A sigh of relief escaped him as he returned the hug and finally dared to fully look at his friend. 

"You don't hate me?"

"Hate you?" James's face was an image of complete confusion. "Why the hell should I hate you?"

"Because of my parents."

"Since when are you responsible for the actions of your parents?"

"I'm not, it's just..."

"Is that why you didn't tell me earlier? Because you thought I'd hate you?"

Sirius nodded silently.

"Padfoot, you know that you can trust me, don't you?"

"Yeah, it's just... - Hell, James, I could have saved that family, but I chose to be selfish and didn't tell anything! It's my fault, James. They could still be alive..."

"You were scared."

"That's no excuse. I could and I should have said something to Dumbledore or... Whatever."

"Stop it."

"Huh?"

"Stop blaming yourself for things other people did. It is not and will never be your fault, got it?"

"..."

"Sirius!"

"Yeah. But you know that it is easier to say so than to actually believe it?"

"I know, but it still isn't your fault."

"Hey James?"

"Hmm?"

"Did I ever tell you that you're a very good friend?"

James pretended to frown in thoughts. "Well, I don't know. Not often enough, I think. But as I already know that I'm perfect, it doesn't really matter."

"Jerk! Leave it to you to destroy any emotional moment."

He smirked. "I try my best, you know. I really do."

"I never doubted _that_."

"Hey, what time is it?"

"Almost 5, I think."

"Sean said we'd be in Diagon Alley at 7, didn't he?"

"Yeah, why? You got a plan to find Lil?"

"Yup."

"Tell me."

"No, not yet. Let's go back to sleep and tell the others when we're all awake. Then I won't have to tell it twice."

Unable to suppress a yawn, Sirius simply nodded and lay down. Stumbling slightly, James went back to his own bed and was asleep within minutes. 

***

It was too early to be up. From the fact that the sun hadn't risen yet, Lily assumed that it was around six in the morning. Just as already established: Too early. With a tired groan, she rolled around and closed her eyes again.

Why did it always have to be that cold right before the sunrise? It seemed that half an hour before the first rays of sunshine hit the ground, the air was coldest. Come to think of it, it was only logical, but then again: Who cares about logic when it is so absolutely cold? Lily didn't, and after a few shivering minutes under her thin blanket, all the while cursing in turn the coldness and her inability to find a warmer cover in Diagon Alley, she gave up on sleeping. It was a pity that she hadn't had enough time to make a better choice concerning the things she had needed to buy. Food, this blanket and a book called "The Probably Complete Reference Book - Or At Least We Hope So - Of Every Spell You Could Possibly Need When You're Alone And Far Away From Civilization And Have Only Your Wand With You". Actually, the title had been even longer, but at the moment and in her tired state, this was all she could remember of it.

Still muttering silent curses and avoiding Nero's reproachful stare because of the language she was using, she got up and came to her feet, staggering slightly while stifling a yawn. 

It wasn't until his loud meow caught her attention that she noticed the dead snake lying to his paws. 

__

Wow. This was really hard to write, and I'm afraid that it shows. All I can say is: Sorry, and I hope the next part will be better. I'm just pretty stressed right now. 

Thanks to all my reviewers and to those who mailed me, at times like this, it's the only way to keep me going. 

Siu: As you can see, I didn't give up on this story. And don't worry, your wishes will be fulfilled. Not yet, though. - I officially allow you to safe my stories whereever you want. As long as you don't sell them... Not that anyone would give any money to read them.

Evil Insperaition: You're right, I do have a life, which is why I wasn't able to obey you earlier. Anyway: Thanks for your two reviews! Just thought I should tell you that they left me with a huge grin on my face. As for the poetic part, as you called it, the one in part 3 after we changed to Lily: I don't know what came over me when I wrote that, but I like that part, too. Not that I expect anyone to share my opinion, that's just the way I see things: That mankind is not only stupid enough to destroy their own habitat, but also the one of all animals, plants and so on, and all this with such an arrogance and ignorance that it sometimes amazes me. And yes, I'm done rambling.

Gina: I'm not planning to kill you! I just... Somehow I wasn't able to write that part sooner... Dunno why... Too much stress, I guess...

Broken Starlight: Don't you dare discontinuing your stories just because you think that there are a few better authors out there. If that's what my stories do to people, the I'll just stop writing! Is that a threat now? I don't know...

Amy~*: You're right: I'm not able to answer that... yet.

Hermione Gulliver: I don't think it would be difficult to leave Hogwarts. I mean, we're talking about a school here, not a prison. Then there's the fact that all the students seem to love it, and last but not least: Dumbledore's the director, and he seems to be the kind of man who really trusts his students. Did that make sense? 

The DevilChild: Is your question answered now?

Sirius: The part about not deleting my reviews was a little too late, actually. I already did that to most of the reviews I got for Nail...

© Saralea


	6. Part 6

Snakes __

This story was written under the influence of both Dido and Matchbox 20. So if there are a few very strange mood swings, blame them. Thanks. J

__

Oh, and another thing: Thanks to Allie, as always, for taking the time to edit this - and suggesting the song. If only our mails didn't get lost all the time...

****

As We Go On...

Part 6

Snakes. Snakes belong to the very few animals that can stand for positive characteristics as well as for negative ones. Of course, there is no point in denying that, all in all, a snake more than anything is a symbol for hypocrisy and malice. Maybe this bad reputation originates in the Bible where the snake was the one to corrupt Eve and therefore Adam. (And no, I don't think we should go more into detail about this particular snake... J) We tend to forget that there are also other characteristics a snake is said to posses. Why is it that, when asked for the animal that represents wisdom, most people would name the owl, while the snake is the synonym for hypocrisy such as the peacock is said to be conceited? Doesn't it seem like some sort of discrimination to you? What's the difference between judging an animal race and a human race as a whole, not seeing that there are individuals, that some might be unpleasant figures while others are the most kind beings one could wish for? One Saddam Hussein doesn't make every Iraqi a bad person and one snake supporting Voldemort shouldn't make every snake evil. 

And yet Lily couldn't suppress a shudder when she stared down at the dark green reptile that lay motionless between Nero's paws. It was a constant rumor in the wizard world that Voldemort used snakes as his spies, that there was a certain bond between him and this kind of animal. And now Nero had found one in their cave. 

Was it safe to stay here any longer? Lily didn't know. What if this snake had really been looking for her? If it didn't return, would that arouse anyone's suspicion? 

She didn't want to leave. But would staying mean risking her life? Running into Voldemort was certainly the last thing she was looking for. She hadn't left Hogwarts in order to be killed, all she had wanted to do was to make sure that her friends were safe, but that did _not_ mean that she didn't value her own life. So what was there to do?

Lost in thoughts, Lily climbed out of the entrance to her cave and went down to the water to clean herself up and maybe get rid of the foreboding that something bad was going to happen. When she looked up from where she was standing, the place didn't seem so peaceful and quiet anymore. As hard as she tried, Lily couldn't shake off the feeling of being watched.

If you're afraid, then a few seconds is all it takes for a wonderful place to change, for the quiet rustling of leaves, caused by a warm breeze, to turn into the careful approach of a frightening creature, human or not. Paralyzed, staring up at the bushes that peeked over the edge of the rock face, Lily remained motionless for a short amount of time, then, as if hit by a bolt of electricity, she jumped up from her kneeling position by the water and climbed over the rocks to the entrance of the cave. While she hurriedly threw everything she wanted to take with her in her bag, she only prayed that Nero would be back from his hunt soon.

Nothing could have prepared her for the large shadow that fell on the wall in front of her when she looked up. 

***

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If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home  
There's an awful lot of breathing room  
But I can hardly move  
If you're gone - baby you need to come home  
'Cause there's a little bit of something me  
In everything in you

Matchbox 20 - If You're Gone

"Sirius?"

"Hmm?"

"Will you tell the others about your parents?"

"I..."

Seeing his friend's discomfort, James quickly rushed to reassure him. "I'm not pressuring you, Padfoot. I just think they should know. Besides, you would feel better. And none of them will hold it against you; you know that, don't you? They won't hate you for something you couldn't change."

"Not more than they already do, at least." Sirius muttered.

James shook his head sympathetically. "Sarah will come around. Just give her some time."

"I don't think she will, James, I hurt her too much. But thanks for trying anyway."

Both boys walked in silence for a while, occasionally stopping to glance through the windows of some shop. The five friends had split up about ten minutes ago, right after arriving in Diagon Alley and eating an early breakfast, deciding that it would take less time if they went in groups of two to get what they needed. So Remus and Jessie had left in direction of the bookshop to get a copy of a book James requested for his plan he hadn't explained yet. In addition, the two would look for a map to help them along the way. Sarah had gone alone to visit her aunt who lived near Flourish's, not only for a little family reunion, but also to talk her into a) lending them her owl, b) discussing the best ways to get to wherever they needed to go and c) to make the woman inform her parents about their daughter's whereabouts as carefully as possible.

So that had left Sirius and James to go and get the most common and important ingredients for various potions and an inflatable cauldron after making a stop at Gringots.

"I'm sorry."

"Huh?" Sirius's apologetic voice had jerked James out of his thoughts, and now he was gazing at his friend with a look of confusion. He really seemed to wear that look a lot this day, at least whenever Sirius was around.

"Here we are talking about my love life, or lack of thereof, while _your_ girlfriend is not only missing but also, quite possibly, in some serious danger."

"Oh." James nodded, finally catching on. "That's okay, Padfoot. There's no doubt that all of us want to have Lily back and safe as soon as possible. Maybe I do even a little more than the rest of you, but seeing as I'm her boyfriend, that's only normal. So of course we're all worried, but that doesn't mean that we can't talk about anything else."

"Sure, but it's just that my problems seem to be so unimportant when I think of Lily and what she's probably going through at the moment."

James sighed. "Padfoot, believe me, I'm glad for every second I can occupy my thoughts with other things. I _need_ to push this whole thing to the back of my mind, even if it's only for two seconds, otherwise I would have gone insane by now."

He didn't have any time to react before he felt himself engrossed in a tight hug, and after a few seconds of struggling not to cry, he couldn't hold back his tears any longer. Sirius, who had never before seen James cry, had to use all his strength to hold his quietly sobbing friend without staggering. James wasn't any help, it seemed as if, all of a sudden, every little bit of will had left his body and if Sirius hadn't been holding onto him, he would have collapsed on the floor in the middle of the crowded street. Sirius felt tears pricking at his own eyes, but he wiped them away with the back of his hand, forcing himself to be the strong one this time. James had held out as long and as good as he could, now that he had reached his breaking point, it was Sirius's turn to offer him comfort and strength. 

Not caring about the partly sympathetic, partly blank looks they received, he just continued to hug his friend and stroke his back while fighting back his own tears. 

*****

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Don't you all just hate cliffhangers? Well, so do I. But I just couldn't help myself; the opportunity was so absolutely great. Sorry. I'll try to make it up to you in getting the next part out a lot quicker. I promise. And as I tend to need the pressure to do something: If I don't have it written till Sunday in a week (as in next week!), go ahead and flame me: [**_Zarah5@t-online.de_**][1]**__**Oh, and I also apologize for the length - or lack thereof - of this part, but I felt as if this was a very good place to end it. 

So some of you are wondering about Nero, if he's really helping Lily or if she should run and hide? Well, I'm not telling you. Why? 'Cause I'm e-vil! I'm really looking forward to your guesses... J

Kate: I do care about my readers! I really really really do. But I have to be in the right mood to write something decent, or do you want to read crap? No? Well, thought so...

Broken Starlight: Aren't there a lot of good MWPP/L stories out? I didn't have the time to read any fics in quite some time, but what about Tropical Fishy, Someone The First and some others I forgot the name of?

Jackie: You're right: More Remus wouldn't hurt, and I should work on Jessie and Sarah. It just didn't fit this time, but I promise that I'll get it in sometime soon. 

Little Witch: No, they won't make a Marauder's Map. James already has some plans...

Ronnie: I can totally understand that Sirius is one of your favorite people in the books, because I love him to. Now, concerning that snake: I'm not sure about it myself. Maybe it was a spy, or maye it wasn't. Don't know. It will show in the next parts, I guess.

Bunny chan: Hey, that's one good idea! How about we start the "Writer's Block To Hell Club"? We could even make it a yahoo club or something like that... J

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Eugenia: I tried to write you, but I got the mail send back. Are you sure that the adress you gave me was correct?

Okay, I hope I didn't forget anyone. It's just that it's late, I'm tired and I have an exam tomorrow. So if I did forget you, you can just write me and I'll answer it. Promise.

**D**_  
_**I**_  
_**S**_  
_**C**_  
_**L**_  
_**A**_  
_**I**_  
_**M  
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_**R**

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All mine. At the moment, Lily is in the kitchen, searching some ingredients for don't-ask-me-what potion she intends to make, Sirius and Remus are playing chess - it sounds as if their kings are about to strangle each other -, Ron is trying to catch Pigwideon, Hermione is working hard to get the hang of a spell they are supposed to learn in their seventh year, and James and Harry are practicing their Quidditch skills (Surprise, surprise!). I really wish they'd go outside to play, though: I'm a little afraid that they will destroy all the expensive vases and paintings from Monet that I bought with the money I get for writing this story. Which reminds me that, before the banks will close, I should go and cash my newest check that Joan (for all of you who don't know her as well as I do: Mrs. Rowling) gave to me for finally finishing this part, so I'm outta here! 

   [1]: mailto:Zarah5@t-online,de



	7. Part 7

as7 __

Yay! It's edited now! But still no Authors Note. It's too early to write one. Allie: Thanks for editing this so quickly, I think you did within a few hours, didn't you? Okay, enough of my babbling.

****

As We Go On...

Part 7

Do you know the feeling of about a million thoughts racing each other through your head as if it was some kind of competition, and every single one is trying to get all your attention? Five minutes and your headache is killing you, ten minutes, and you're ready to relieve the headache of killing you. Because you're ready to do it yourself. 

Lily, her back turned to the entrance and therefore also to the cause of the seemingly huge shadow, didn't have the time for a headache, but a million thoughts were racing through her head anyway. Only did she not have the five minutes, therefore, she didn't have to be afraid of an aching head - but of everything else. 

Her first reflex was to just stay the way she was, not facing who- or whatever the intruder was. The ostrich-version: As long as I can't see you, you can't see me either. The second reflex was to whirl around and try to push past the figure and out of the cave before it had the time to react. She did none of those, however. Ever so slowly, not sure whether to close her eyes or keep them wide open, she turned.

The next sound that could be heard was the choked - and almost hysterical - laughter of relief that escaped Lily. Who would have thought that Nero's tiny figure could create such a huge shadow thanks to the water reflected sunlight? The cat just sat in the entrance, waiting for her to finish her packing, tail curled around his body and ears twitching from time to time if hearing an interesting sound.

Lily shook her head at herself. _Am I getting paranoid? Maybe leaving this place isn't such a good idea._

Nero seemed to sense her hesitation to leave, and all of a sudden, he was on his paws and strolled out of the cave, then back in and out again. Obviously attempting to tell her to follow him, and with a shrug of her shoulders, the girl took a quick last look around and finally followed Nero out and into the bright sunlight. 

At first, she had to close her eyes, but after she had adjusted to the light, she climbed the wall of rock, using the now almost familiar path. On top, she paused, ignoring the impatient behavior of her companion. Which direction should she choose? She didn't intend to stay too close to Edinburgh, so she couldn't go to the left, but everything else was possible. Closing her eyes, Lily spun around in a circle, then stopped and took a step forward. Okay, south it is. Searching for Nero, she discovered that he was already a short distance ahead, seemingly eager to leave this place. Laughing, she followed, and soon, the willow that bent over the edge of the wall of rock was no longer in sight.

Lily never found out what happened to the place after she had left it, but when she passed it a few days later, she almost didn't recognize it. The willow had been split in two, as if struck by lightning- only that there hadn't been a thunderstorm. The entrance to the cave was blocked, and a few rocks had been ripped out of the wall. All in all, it looked as if some giant had been in a very bad mood while passing the place.

***

The house of Sarah's aunt, Larissa Kinley, had a great view all over Diagon Alley, and even though the girl had other, more important things on her mind, she couldn't help but admire the view. The place was busy as always, groups of wizards were roaming the streets, discussing animatedly, gesticulating towards the windows of the shops, little children were happily slurping their ice cream, important looking wizards and witches in dress robes were hurrying down the Alley, some of them talking to their business partners or employees through the balls of light that were flowing in front of their faces. 

Sarah almost choked when she recognized two of the figures down there, one holding the other and comfortingly stroking their back. Sirius, And James. It was hard to see them properly, men were passing by and occasionally obstructing her sight, but a glance was enough for her to know what was going on.. She had been expecting it for a while now, James had been strong, but she had known that it would be only a matter of time until he broke down. 

But Sirius was with him, and that's why Sarah wasn't worried. James needed to let it out, and then he would be able to go on and do everything necessary to get Lily back. As long as he wasn't alone, everything would turn out to be all right in the end, and Sirius was a good friend. Few of the people, who didn't know him very well, would believe it, but Sirius was an amazing listener. One who could make people feel better, just because he listened to them, calm and without judging their actions, taking in everything that was said and in the end, after making sure that he knew the whole story, offering his advice, but not expecting the other to follow it. It was one of the reasons why she had fallen in love with him. And why she still loved him.

When the voice of her aunt jerked her out of her thoughts, she was thankful for the interruption.

"Ready to tell your parents?"

"Uh..." Sarah hesitated, knowing that it had to be done, but dreading it at the same time. 

A calming hand landed on her shoulder. "Come on, you can't avoid it forever. I'll support you, but you are the one who has to do the explaining."

"I know." Defeated, the girl hung her head and let herself being led to the fireplace, where her aunt had already prepared everything for the conversation spell.

***

Sirius could feel eyes on him and James, but when he looked around, no one was watching them, and he decided to shrug it off. "Feeling better?"

At first, no answer came, but eventually, James nodded, sniffing a little, but visibly gaining his strength back. "Sorry 'bout that."

"You don't have to be sorry, James. It's okay. God knows how I would go insane if Sarah were in danger. I'd rather not think about it."

"Thanks anyway." James was standing on his own feet again, wiping his face with the sleeve of his robe, then stretched. "Let's go! The sooner we have everything and can meet up with the rest, the better it is!"

With newly found energy, the boy sped off in direction of the pharmacy, Sirius following closely behind, shaking his head at his friend who was practically skipping the whole way there, but glad to have the James he was used to back.

***

The five friends met up about two hours later in the Leaky Cauldron where they had decided to have an early lunch before continuing their journey. Jessie and Remus were the first to arrive, soon followed by Sarah. It took James and Sirius about five more minutes to burst through the door, both carrying a bag with the moving logo of Grint's Potion's Ingredients Shop, a wizard with a long snowy-white beard who was stirring his potion and occasionally gave a wave at whoever happened to be in his sight. The two boys dropped their burden and sunk down in their chairs, panting heavily because they had been running the last few minutes in order not to be any later than they already were.

Ignoring the curious looks they were given, the two ordered their meal before the others were able to get any information about what they had bought. Which wasn't much information, though. Sirius just shrugged his shoulders and explained that he hadn't the faintest idea for which potion or spell they could use things like Fleeting Leaves or a red, clay-like material called Mahrey. And all James said was that he would give them an explanation as soon as they were really alone and not in the middle of a pub where everyone could overhear their conversation. Knowing that this was all they would hear from him, at least for now, the rest of the group turned back to their meals.

***

"Hey, Sirius? Could I talk to you for a minute?"

Immediately, Sirius stopped dead in his tracks and gave up on following Jessie, Remus and James to the bar. Instead, he sat down again, taking the chair opposite of the one Sarah was occupying, hope and confusion mixing in his eyes, but waiting for the girl to start the conversation.

She took a deep breath, then forced herself to meet his eyes. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for how I treated you lately. I should have given you the chance to explain."

He shook his head. "What's there to be sorry about? I was the one who messed it up. I am the one who betrayed your trust. And I am the one who's sorry."

"Sirius, why... Why did you do it?"

The silence lasted for a few minutes, and then Sirius let out a depressed sigh. "Because I was afraid. Afraid of loving you too much, of losing myself."

"Are you still afraid?"

"No."

"Are you sure? Because you're dead if you screw up one more time."

His face looked like the one of a child who was waiting for St. Nicholas: Happy and full of anticipation, but at the same time a little afraid and timid. "Do you mean it?"

She nodded. "I do, Sirius. You have your chance, but you also have to earn my trust."

"I will."

***

"You want to spend the night here? But... Lil's already one day ahead, we can't let her get any further away from us, James!"

"We have to," clearly not happy about it, but nevertheless sure about doing the right thing, James sat down on the bed of the room they had just rented. "It's the only place I can think of at the moment where we are able to brew the potion we need without any interruption."

"So you're finally going to explain the big secret to us?"

"Yeah."

A common sigh of relief followed this announcement, and everyone sat down on the floor, heads turned to James, patiently waiting for him to start speaking.

*****

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Sorry to stop it here, but don't worry: I actually do have an idea of what James is going to explain to them. Aren't you all proud of me? Hopefully, those of you who wanted to see Sirius and Sarah back together are happy after this part, even if I know that it is a short one.

Disclaimer: Not created by me. Wish they were, though, but I won't deny that Joanne K. Rowling's the better creator. BTW: Does anyone know when the fifth book will come out? Did they already set a date in the UK and the USA?

January 2002 I think L ¡bah humbug!


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